Statement on Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

In addition to adhering to the doctrine of Hartwood Ministries, Center for Covenant-Based Marriage upholds the following statements concerning marriage, divorce, and remarriage:

The issues of marriage, divorce, and remarriage are among the most-commonly raised issues in the area of pastoral counseling. They are immeasurably important, especially since they affect so many people’s lives. These issues are defined and regulated by the principles of the scriptures, yet they are often misquoted and misunderstood. With these thoughts in mind, Center for Covenant-Based Marriage defines these subjects as we believe God intends them to be.

Marriage

Marriage is a holy union of one man and one woman in which they commit, in God’s name, to build a loving, fruitful relationship that will last a lifetime. When a marriage is true to God’s loving design, it brings spiritual, physical, emotional, economic, and social benefits not only to the couple and family, but also to the church and the surrounding community. To have a healthy church, we must have emotionally healthy families in the church.

Issues related to marriage can be seen in their true light only as they are viewed against the background of the divine ideal for marriage. Marriage was divinely established in Eden:

20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.

21 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.

22 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man."

24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Genesis 2:20-24

Marriage was subsequently affirmed by Jesus Christ to be both monogamous and heterosexual, a lifelong union of a loving companionship between a man and a woman. God instituted marriage, a covenant-based union of man and woman physically, emotionally, and spiritually, spoken of in scripture as "one flesh" (see Genesis 2:24 above).

Marriage, therefore, is not merely a legal relationship; it is, in actuality, a spiritual relationship between a man and a woman. It is not just a piece of paper agreed to and signed by a man and a woman and a representative of the state; it is essentially a true covenant between the man, the woman, the state, and God. Marriage is a foundational institution in society, ordained by God before either government or the church.

The monogamous union in marriage of a man and a woman is affirmed as the divinely ordained foundation of the family and social life, and the only morally appropriate location for intimate sexual expression. However, the estate of marriage is not God's only plan for the meeting of human relational needs or for knowing the experience of family. Singleness and the friendship of singles are within His divine design as well (see Matthew 19:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:7).

The companionship and support of friends looms in importance in both Biblical testaments. The fellowship of the church, the household of God, is available to all regardless of their married state. Scripture, however, places a solid demarcation socially and sexually between such friendships and marriage.

To the Biblical view of marriage addressed in previous paragraphs, Center for Covenant-Based Marriage adheres without reservation, believing that any lowering of this high view is to that extent a lowering of the heavenly ideal.  Through an appreciation of the redemptive work of Christ and the work of His Spirit in human hearts, the original purpose of marriage may be recovered, and the delightful and wholesome experience of marriage realized by a man and a woman who join their lives in the marriage covenant.

Divorce

Marriage is an institution created by God. It is a covenant relationship established by mutual vows between a man and a woman united by God. Permanent unity in marriage is possible in Christ and is demanded of Christ's disciples who are married. Marriages should not be dissolved; dissolution of a marriage, one that has been ordained by God, is contrary to God's will. Divorce is to be avoided at all costs. There are many couples in the church that have persevered through difficult times in their marriage, and can attest to God’s grace that carried them through. God is a covenant-making, covenant-keeping God. To those who are His own, He has entrusted a seed of that covenant-making and covenant-keeping ability. He honors those who honor covenant. As a covenant partner with us in our marriage, He does His part by providing all of Himself and His resources – whatever is necessary – so that we can honor our covenant with Him and with our spouse. He is for us, and has promised no challenge as being greater than His ability to help us get through it.

In covenant, we find the safety to become all we were created for and called to be. Marriage is the crucible in which godly character is formed. In marriage, we learn how to manifest the nature of God as he works it in us. Only in marriage, the “till-death-do-us-part” scenario, can we feel safe in letting God rub off our rough edges, often one spouse upon the other, knowing that our spouse is there unconditionally, and us for our spouse, in the same manner.

By persistent and unrepentant sin, people sometimes put asunder what God has joined together. Scripture acknowledges that certain actions and attitudes that occur in a sinful world and conflict with God's will can destroy a marriage relationship.

Divorce is the breaking of a legal contract, as well as the breaking of a sacred covenant, as mentioned earlier. In general, divorce is addressed Biblically. It is definitely not desirable, but has been allowed as regulated by scripture. That God regulates it by His word does not mean He likes it, or even condones it. God clearly hates divorce.

16 "I hate divorce," says the Lord God of Israel...

Malachi 2:16

God hates the sin that is involved in a divorce. While marriage was instituted by God, divorce was instituted by man. God only stepped in to regulate it. God doesn’t promote divorce; He allows it because of man’s hardness of heart.

8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning."

Matthew 19:8

God regulates divorce to keep us from doing more damage in divorce than we could do in marriage. Because God is a God of grace and mercy, we must not condemn all who divorce or shun divorced persons.

Biblical Grounds for Divorce

Biblical grounds for divorce permit, but do not require, divorce. One should not look for Biblical grounds as a loophole for divorce motivated by other issues. Before God, Biblical grounds for divorce are just as important for non-believers as for believers. Divorce without grounds (e.g., so-called "no-fault divorce") may be legally proper, but it is still sinful. Divorce, while binding from a legal standpoint, does not release either member of the party from the sacred covenant, as defined by God.

So what are the Biblical grounds for divorce? We find two that are specifically mentioned in the scriptures:

Sexual sin

          Matthew 19:3-12

 Abandonment by an unbelieving spouse

1 Corinthians 7:12-16

Since failure to keep the marriage covenant is sin, churches should offer a ministry of reconciliation and call marriage partners to mutual confession of sin, forgiveness, reconciliation, and renewed obedience to God’s principles. Center for Covenant-Based Marriage is dedicated to our pledge to minister with special concern to those involved in the traumatic experience of divorce, speaking with clarity where sinful conduct is apparent, and recommending the exercise of formal discipline when there is disdain for Biblical teaching. The church, as a body of believers, must be a place of acceptance and support for those who have been divorced and for their children.

Remarriage

In the matter of divorce and remarriage, it is our view that once it becomes impossible to fulfill the will of God through reconciliation of the spouses, there is no remaining requirement that either one remains unmarried. The reason we are commanded to remain unmarried by the Apostle Paul is to allow for reconciliation among the parties. The remarriage of an ex-spouse makes reconstitution of the first marriage impossible. Therefore, the remaining unmarried spouse is free to remarry, if desired. This in no way violates the spirit of Paul’s injunction to Christians (see 1 Corinthians 7:14-15 above). It is a matter of conscience. Many believers will be persuaded, for whatever reason, that they ought to remain unmarried as a testimony to their marriage vows, and perhaps for even more practical reasons. Others, however, may feel a certain sense of freedom before God to remarry. This is clearly possible, especially with the impossibility of reconciliation of the parties.

The incident of death terminates the marriage covenant and frees the surviving spouse to marry again, if so desired:

2 For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage.

3 So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man.

Romans 7:2-3

As members of the body of Christ, we will not issue a statement showing clear prohibition against remarriage. Furthermore, we will not attempt to list with legal precision the circumstances under which remarriage does or does not conflict with Biblical teaching. You and your church or organization must apply Biblical principles to concrete situations in the light of the best understanding of what happened in a particular divorce and what is being planned for a particular remarriage.

DOCTRINE ON WHICH WE AGREE TO DISAGREE

For those doctrines not explicitly outlined above, we allow freedom of belief and the freedom to disagree. However, in keeping with Jesus’ desire for his disciples and the pervasive teaching of the New Testament, we greatly prize unity in the body, and insist that associates do not vigorously promote doctrines not listed above, such that they may cause dissension and divisions within the body.

Note: All scripture references are found in the New International Version of the Bible, copyright 1984 by International Bible Society.